A man was driving down the road with 20 penguins in the back of his car. A bobby pulled him over and told him, "Oi, you can't drive around with penguins in your car. Take them to the zoo."

The man agreed and drove off. The next day the same man was driving down the road with 20 penguins in the back of his car again.

The same bobby pulled him over. "Oi," he said, "I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo!", the bobby said. The man answered, "I did. Today I'm taking them to the movies. "

In this life I'm a woman. In my next life, I'd like to come back as a bear.

When you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that, too.

When you're a girl bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that.

If you're a mama bear,everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I could deal with that.

If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat. Yup...gonna be a bear.

Deer Tracks

Three blondes were taking a walk in the country when they came upon a line of tracks. The first blonde said, "Those must be deer tracks!" The second blonde said, "No, stupid, anyone can tell those are rabbit tracks!" The third blondie said, "No, you idiots, those are horse tracks!" They where still arguing ten minutes later when a train hit them.

"I have been particularly concerned with the sufferings of chickens for many years." (Dalai Lama)